Obligatory anniversary blog post

Being that we are both teachers, the Mister and I planned our wedding in July: right in the middle of our annual vacation.

This year marked 4 years of marriage, and back in February, I had a fantastic idea for this year's celebration:

I love Dolly Parton. And I could not think of a better way to spend my anniversary than with the man I love, and Dolly cheesiness!

We rented a cabin through Dollywood Vacations, and that was by far the best idea we've had in a while. The cabin was the perfect size for the two of us, had a great view, and we could hear the Dollywood train whistle every day! I loved it!

Our home for a few days.

The view from both porches was spectacular!

The upstairs game room that led out to the second floor porch.
 

Yikes! This guy greeted us and watched over the upstairs bed we slept in. Slightly creepy.

Of course, there was NO way we were going to be staying that close to Dollywood and not go to the park! We spent 2 days in a Dolly wonderland! I loved it! The sound of Dolly's songs were in the air, screams of park goers drew us to the roller coasters (a new addition since the last time I'd been to the park--TWENTY years ago!), and the smells of greasy theme park food met us at the front gates. HEAVEN!

Awesome, AWESOME ride!

tee hee

The Wild Eagle: Dollywood's newest ride that just opened this year. It is the country's first "wing" roller coaster. That means that the seats of the ride are on either side of the track, so there is nothing above you or below while you're on the ride. It was A-MAZING!!

Hooray, indeed!

I remember watching the blacksmith make stuff when I was a little girl. I love that Dollywood has preserved some of the traditional crafts that are starting to disappear because of cheap manufacturing.

Cinderella. I remember riding this train when I was a little girl. It was much less thrilling as an adult, but still brought back great memories.

Look how greasy and sweaty we were! And this was at the beginning of the day!

To break up the excitement of all that Dolly, in the middle of our trip we went to the aquarium in Gatlinburg. Friends and family know how much the Mister and I love a good aquarium. This one was crawling (literally, at times) with kids and their families, but we still enjoyed watching the fishies. The best part had to be the penguins.

"What IS that!?"

This aquarium has a very large underwater tunnel where you can watch the sharks swim over your head. It was pretty cool,

Horseshoe crabs.

PENGUINS!

They were so much fun to watch.

On our anniversary night, we went out for a big, fancy, expensive dinner: The Dixie Stampede! Cause nothing says romance quite like dinner theater!!

This was the only picture I could get inside the arena. Boo.

THERE SHE IS!

For those who have never had the pleasure, the Dixie Stampede is Dolly Parton's "dinner attraction." You get a big, hands-on meal while watching a horse show musical-slash-competition. It's all finished off by a logger race at the end. It was redneck, mildly racially insensitive, and hilariously tacky. I loved it.

Even though he had his doubts at the beginning, the Mister declared that this was one of my better ideas for an anniversary vacation. He should have known to never doubt the Dolly. That girl knows how to have a good time!!

Vicariously yours,

Serving up some drag realness

The other night, I had an experience that so greatly contrasted my life in Saudi Arabia it just made me smile. I went to a show. This isn't an uncommon occurrence in Nashville. But this was a special show. Last Friday night, I went to a drag show.

Oh. my. lady boy.

I realize this is not a topic I usually discuss on this blog: I usually reserve my posts for international musings and photos of place and things most Americans don't have access to. But a lot of my students read this blog and I think this is a part of my life that some of them might be interested to know about. At least some will find it interesting.

Plus it was a fabulous night and I want to show everyone the pictures!!

For those who have never had the pleasure of going to a drag show, here's how it works:

Step 1. Pay your entry and get your wristband.

Step 2. Scan the crowd and find the best spot for the show.

Step 3. Wait.

Step 4. Enjoy the magic and hilarity.

For those who don't know, a drag show takes place in a gay club. The performers are men who dress like women. As was the case for most of the performers on Friday night, the queens sometimes have had some body modifications to make them look more like women.

exhibit A. ...and B.

The performances consist of the drag queens lip syncing to various popular songs and, depending on the talents of the performers, dancing and interacting with the crowd. The queens all have their own drag names that are different from their non-drag names. Each queen has her own style, there are the super girly types, the more punk types, and the androgynous, more modern types. There are several forms of drag, and I love them all.

Aurora Sexton. She's serving up showgirl-meets-1950s realness.

On Friday, however, I was there to see one particular queen: Latrice Royale!!

The shade of it all!

Latrice was a contestant on a show called Ru Paul's Drag Race. Think America's Next Top Model meets Project Runway...but with drag queens. It's a guilty pleasure of mine, and Latrice was one of my favorite queens from season 4. Even though I only got to see her perform one song, she was fabulous and I had a great time. I used to go to drag shows just about every Friday and Sunday night in college and I have missed hanging out in the drag scene. This is definitely an experience I would never have had living in Saudi Arabia! I love my crazy life.

Here are a few other photographic highlights:

Sara Andrews serving up a little Katy Perry.

Vicariously yours,

Reverse Culture Shock 2012

Last summer, I bragged about how little reverse culture shock the Mister and I experienced after our first year overseas. Upon further reflection, we did experience some awkwardness and adjustment last summer. Ok, by "we" I mean me. But whatever.

I think a lot of our lack of shock last year can be attributed to the fact that we only spent 2 weeks in Nashville. The rest of our summer was spent travelling, including a 2 week trip to Costa Rica, so it was like we were just on an extended vacation from Saudi Arabia rather than actually going home.

This year, however, we aren't leaving the USA at all. We're doing small trips here and there inside the country, but most of our time is being spent living with the Mister's parents in Nashville and just hanging out.

Boy has that ever been a breeding ground for reverse culture shock! It's very odd to find myself sometimes feeling like a stranger in the place I called home for 27 years. Here are a few for instances:

1. Costco. Admittedly, we jumped in to bulk Americana a little too soon. The Mister and I went to Costco with  his parents the day after we landed in the USA. We were jet lagged and surrounded by bulk groceries and electronics. It was bizarre enough to be back in the States, and then to be bombarded visually by 72-count boxes of bagel bites, premarinated chicken, and affordable 68 inch HD TVs was sensory overload. I kept finding myself thinking, "oh! We should buy that because we don't know when the store will get another shipment." I didn't need a 50 oz container of spinach and artichoke dip, but the hoarding tendency that is necessary when living in a country that doesn't often get the Western conveniences was in overdrive.

2. Jesus. We've been home for about 2 weeks and I still find it odd to see Bibles on sale in the grocery stores.  I still half expect to hear the athan every few hours. The other day I was in downtown Nashville and heard the howling drawl of the beginning of a country song and for a split second I thought to myself, "It's a little early for the call to prayer."

I went to church with my dad on the second day back (mom was out of town) and I just cried during the opening music because it was so nice to be able to worship. Out loud. In a room filled with people who shared my beliefs. It was also very surreal to be sitting in a near-stadium sized sanctuary* in Middle Tennessee so soon after being in Saudi Arabia.  

*only a minor exaggeration.

3. The shock. Literally. I've talked about the static shock that I got every time I got out of the car in Saudi Arabia because of the abaya. I didn't realize how ingrained that expectation had become. I'm still hesitantly grounding myself and bracing for the zap when I get out of the car, even though there's not a stitch of black polyester on my body.

4. Pickpocket paranoia. I never had to worry about personal theft in Saudi Arabia. That kind of crime is incredibly low in the Kingdom. But whenever we travel, the Mister and I are very cautious about our wallets and passports. I clutch my purse close to my body and scan crowds for suspicious characters. The other night I went to a show at a club downtown and I walked in and had to fight the heightened awareness. I was in Nashville, not the middle of Rome. I didn't need to worry about pickpockets in a club where all anyone is concerned about is how to score the spot with both the best view and access to the bar. Calm down, Amber, and enjoy yourself.

4. Everyone speaks English. You know what it's like when you wake up from a deep sleep in a hotel bed and for a couple seconds, you're really confused as to where you are? There have been 2 distinct instances where I've felt like that, but without the sleeping. 

The first was in the Philadelphia airport. The Mister and I were going through TSA security (so annoying after an international flight!) And I turned to him and in a medium tone said, "It occurs to me that I haven't refreshed my deodorant or brushed my teeth in at least 15 hours." 

The red headed guy behind us made eye contact with the Mister and kind of chuckled. Tyler said, "Amber, you have to remember that we're back in a country where everyone around you speaks English." As soon as he said that it was like I snapped out of it and thought, "Oh crap. He's right." For 2 months, I have to make sure that inappropriately specific comments like that are shared quietly or not at all. Bummer.


The second time was a few days later when we were visiting my brother in Atlanta. We had gone to a favorite bar of his and settled down outside with our drinks. As we were sitting there people watching, a small group exited the bar and passed by our table. I heard them talking in English and right away a voice in my head said, "Hey! That's an American accent!" I was just about to say something to the Mister when I realized: I'm IN America! Everyone has an American accent!




There have been lots of other small things that have snuck up on me in these past few weeks. I was really confused the other day when the Mister was text messaging with his sister as opposed to using the international texting app we use when we're in the Middle East. I hear a song on the radio and think, "How funny that this song is on the radio here!" ...in Music City...U.S.A...oy.


I wonder if there will ever be a summer where I'm able to just flip the switch from one world to the other. In the meantime, please forgive me if I act a little strange and annoyingly expat-y.


Vicariously yours,

Reflections of a former abaya wearer

Whenever I talk to people about living in Saudi Arabia, the first thing they ask about is the abaya and hijab.  It's funny, people's responses run the gamut from utter disgust ("That's just BARBARIC!") To inquisitive ("really?! So...what do they wear under there?"). The concept of a government that allows for so few rights is totally baffling to the average American. I tell people that, honestly, wearing the abaya and hijab wasn't always bad. I didn't feel oppressed or downtrodden. It was annoying at first because I hadn't quite gotten the hang of tying the scarf on effectively. Like all things in life, my obligatory wardrobe change had its ups and downs.

For example, the most obvious plus side was the fact that I could wear anything I wanted under the abaya and no one would know! Don't get carried away, it's not like I walked around the grocery store with nothing but the abaya and a knowing grin! But now that I'm not living in Saudi Arabia anymore, it is a little disappointing that I can't just pop out for dinner in my pajamas. Most people think that the black hue of the abaya and hijab makes your core body temperature unbearable, and most of the time they'd be correct. But whenever we weren't going to or from work, I was pretty much rocking mis-matched shorts and a tank top under there. It really helped to keep me a lot cooler than my husband, who had to wear jeans for modesty's sake.

The aspects to wearing the abaya and hijab that I didn't like would probably surprise most people. I didn't feel "just totally violated" as some people have asked. I am thankful that I have the ability to choose to leave and not have to wear the abaya anymore, but when I was in the country, I had absolutely no issue with complying with the cultural norms of my temporary home. 

No, I took offense with the annoying things like the unnatural amount of static electricity that would build up as I got in and out of our leather-clad car seats. There were times that I was legitimately afraid that the spark would set the polyester robe on fire! Can you imagine the headlines?!

Another thing that was annoying: trying to tie on the hijab while sitting inside the car so I could walk from the car to the school....of course my co-workers pointed out that, because I had already pulled in to the parking lot uncovered, putting the hijab on at that point was kind of moot. But it was part of my obligation as a teacher at an Islamic school that I at least show modesty while on school grounds. I guess in my head, the non-tinted windows of my car shielded me from sight...or...something. Anyway, it was really hard to tie on the hijab while scrunched over in the passenger seat of a car, especially towards the end when my hair had grown down past the middle of my back. I tell ya, life was so hard.

I use a messenger bag to carry my school stuff to work. So whenever I was wearing the hijab, the strap would lay on the part of my shawl that was on my shoulder and any time I moved my head, the strap would pull it off my head a little bit. It's kind of like when you have really long hair and it gets caught in things like car doors and pinned between your back and the seat....no? I'm the only one with that problem? Can anyone empathize with this story?

Moving on.

What I'm trying to say is that a little part of me is going to miss wearing the abaya and hijab. Ok...because it's the part of me that doesn't care about fashion or appearances and likes to sit around in her pajamas all day but still get errands accomplished...it's a big part of me that's going to miss wearing the abaya and hijab. But wearing the garb of Saudi Arabia for two years has certainly made me appreciate my right as an American to express myself freely; be that in pajamas or out.

Vicariously yours,

Trending Now: Tourist Italy

After we left Saudi Arabia, the Mister and I met up with my sister and her husband in beautiful Italy for a 2-week vacation. We were loving being in the Western world again and the Mister was nerding out with all the European history that was around us.

Unfortunately, also all around us were TOURISTS!! I was expecting to be surrounded by hordes of once-in-a-lifetime trippers that notoriously wander, eyes aloft, cameras at the ready. We were in Italy during the high season, after all. But I've noticed that every time we got to Europe, there are certain trends in the tourists. Here is what is so hawt on the tourist scene in Italy this summer:

1. College study abroaders. Ok, so this isn't a this-summer specific trend. And being that we were in Italy, I'm sure the locals are bombarded by waves of these groups of 20-somethings who have just met their newest best friends and feel oh-so hip and global while traveling on a class field trip with 50 other Americans on a chartered coach. This summer, it's really easy to spot the American abroad: just look for Ray Bans (real ones for the pretentious, fake ones bought from the street vendors for the ones who arrived and realized they were too broke and too late to be in with the pretentious crowd but still wanted to fit in), European summer scarf tied around the neck, and a floral, high-waisted mini skirt with white tank top tucked in to the wide belt for the ladies. Soo college hip and European at the same time.

2. Jumping photos. This is not a new trend. I think it was introduced about 4 years ago, but it has sticking power. Personally, I am not a fan of the jumping photo. I have several friends who are enamored with the freeze-frame, suspended-in-mid-air, anime-esque-facial-expression-capturing type of photography, but it's just not for me. But lawd!! From college students to Asian tourists to honeymooners, tourists in Italy love them some jumping photos!! I have the feeling this will be the last summer for this trend...or maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part.

3. Taking pictures with the iPad. It's really interesting how far photography has come. From tintype to instagram, I wonder what the early photographers would say if they could see us now. Maybe I'm suffering from a little case of gadget envy, but there is one form of modern photography that drives me crazy: Taking photos with your iPad, especially when you're on vacation.

All I could focus on when we stumbled upon a parade in Florence.

Here's why I don't understand it:

• The iPad isn't small. Unless you're schlepping around a huge purse, it's not going to fit easily in any bags. And when you're traveling, you don't want to look like you're carrying around $700-worth of fancy technical magic on your person. You're just asking to be purse-snatched.
• You look like a dork. I literally laughed out loud at a guy we saw riding in a pedi-cab across a square in Rome who was struggling to maneuver his iPad through the little back window of the vehicle while simultaneously trying not to drop the expensive piece of equipment and get an instagram-worthy shot of the ancient ruins he was riding past. He looked like a total dufus! And he could have accomplished the same feat with just one hand and a little craning of the neck if he had a sensible digital camera.
• You take up tons of space in everyone else's shot. You're standing in a crowd. We're all trying to take the same picture as you. But because your means of recording this moment for posterity has a 10 inch screen and a flappy cover thing, I have to wait for you to move out of my shot so I can take my own darn picture! 

I'm sure this post makes it sound like the Mister and I had the most judgmental and annoyed time ever while in Italy with my sister, but that really wasn't the case. These were just some of the things that made us roll our eyes as we were strolling the streets of Rome, Florence, and Venice.

Vicariously yours,

Mada'in Saleh

After we returned from our trip to Jeddah in January, I resolved to see more of the Kingdom before we left. I didn't want to say that we had lived in Saudi Arabia but all we saw was one city. Luckily we had found a tour company on our trip and they could arrange to make my resolution a reality. Last weekend the Mister and I travelled with a group to Mada'in Saleh, just north of the city of Medinah.

There are a few different versions of the story of Mada'in Saleh: the story that our tour guide told us, and the one on all of the UNESCO plaques. This is something you get used to when travelling in Saudi Arabia. Our tour guide told us the story of Saleh and the Thamudians, a story from the Quran that Christians would say closely resembles that of Sodom and Gomorrah. Basically the prophet Saleh, a distant decendent of the prophet Noah (the guy with the ark), arrived in this already-built civilization filled with pagans and he tried to convert them to monotheism (this was all before Islam, about 10,000 years ago). The Thamudians weren't buying the whole there's-only-one-God thing so they challenged Saleh to prove his deity's strength and produce a giant camel. To quote our tour guide, the Thamudians said, "We made these giant houses out of stone, you make a giant camel out of stone."

And he did. Saleh prayed and God produced a giant, pregnant (bonus!) she camel the size of one of the houses like the one behind us in the photo. The Thamudians still weren't sold, they killed the she camel, and God punished them by wiping out their civilization.

According to our tour guide, the city lay empty with nothing but the Thamudian remains until the first century AD, when the Nabateans (and UNESCO) pick up the story.

The Nanateans were the same people who carved Petra in Jordan. You can wikipedia them to get their story.

All that to say which ever story you believe, Mada'in Saleh was pretty darn cool. Here are a few more photographic highlights from the trip:

The rock formations had a fancy geological name. Ben, one of the guys on the trip, told us the name and the science behind how the honeycomb formation was made...but I've forgotten both. World's. best. blogger.

This was the first of the ruins we came upon. Our tour guide, Saad, blazed the trail as the tourists were still back in the parking lot snapping photos! It was pretty funny.

A carving over one of the front doors.

I thought it was so cool how the rock looked like a melted candle.

This spot had the best breeze! It looked like last scene of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

We went to the deserted and newly restored main station on the Hejaz Railway. This is the same railway that Lawrence of Arabia blew up. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, don't feel bad. I haven't seen the movie either)

Saad took us to the top of this mountain and we got to see this amazing panorama just before sunset.

The next day we sent to see the newly restored Al Ula old city.

The remains of the old city kind of blend in with the natural backdrop, don't they?

This door was decorated so you knew a woman owned the house. Saad said people lived in these old houses until just 35 years ago. He wasn't sure whether it was the original inhabitants or the last ones that did the painting.

I tried on a niqab at a beduin market.

I'm really glad the Mister and I went on this trip. We actually saw a part of the country that most Saudis haven't seen! As an added bonus we got to meet a group of really great people. I only wish we had found this tour company longer than a few months before we make our big exit from the Kingdom.

Vicariously yours,

Our Top Ten Tips for Non-Compound Dwellers in Saudi Arabia

This is a whole different kind of sandbox.

I know I've written about non-compound dwelling already, but with our move just over a month away it's been on my mind a lot lately. I've gotten a lot of time for self-reflection since moving to the Kingdom; not being able to drive gives you that luxury, I guess. As I've been reflecting on my time in Saudi Arabia, I've realized that the experience the Mister and I have had these two years has been very unique, even among most expats that are living here. Every time we talk to any other expats that we meet, they assume we live on a compound. It's the default housing situation for Western immigrant workers in this country. And the shocked expression we always get when we say we're living out "in the wild" cracks me up. Yes, Virginia, there is a life beyond the walls of Aramco.

...It's tough to come by, but it is possible to have a social life if you work at it.

That said, I should confess that the Mister and I have largely failed at the challenge of finding a vibrant social life for ourselves. So this list is a little ironic, I suppose. I still want to put it out there in case there are any other community-starved expats in the Kingdom that stumble across this blog. So here it is:

Our Top Ten Tips for Surviving Without Living on a Compound in Saudi Arabia:

#10: Books. And movies. And iTunes downloads. Never read War and Peace because you never had the time? Well guess what!? You're in luck! Not living on a compound allows you a lot of time to sit around, especially during the work week. So pick up a book, download some movies, or get an iTunes season pass to the TV show everyone is watching at home. You've got to find your own entertainment, and a lot of times that will involve just you and some form of media.

#9: Don't be afraid to explore your neighborhood. It's Saudi Arabia. There's not going to be a welcome wagon pulling up to your door as soon as the moving vans leave. No one is coming over with pie to tell you all about the neighborhood. You need to get out and explore. Don't go knocking on strangers' doors; that's a good way to get branded as the local creeper. But do explore the shops and restaurants nearby. Get to know the local shop owners. Most of them are also not Saudi and will be thrilled to have an American as a regular customer. They might just pass along helpful tips and possibly invite you over for a truly cultural experience in their own homes.

#8. Be willing to drop some cash for the luxury of having something to do. There are plenty of gatherings for expats in Saudi Arabia, but most of them come with a cover charge. Until you're able to build a base of friends that you'll visit with a lot, be prepared to get invited to parties and pay at the door.

#7. Accept every invitation, or at least the majority of them. This is something the Mister and I did not do. I don't know why we thought we had the freedom to be snobby with our free time, but it is definitely one of our big regrets. We should have been more willing to do things we didn't particularly want to do if only for the sake of being around other people. You don't have the luxury of being picky with your social engagements. And in Saudi Arabia, if you snub the first one or two invitations, they're going to stop coming and you'll be forever alone.

Yeah. Like this guy.

#7. Get a smart phone. This sounds so lame, and if me-from-two-years-ago were reading this, she would totally roll her eyes. But since the Mister created the monster and bought me my first ever smart phone in December, I have felt so much more connected. I've been able to download an app that allows me to SMS with friends and family back home. I downloaded the Skype app for a little while and was able to make phone calls to the States on my phone (the app took up too much space on my phone's tiny internal memory, so I had to delete it...so choose your smart phone wisely). The other day when we were completely lost on a compound trying to meet up with someone, I was able to pull up her email that contained her phone number and the directions to where we were trying to go. There are currency conversion apps, language dictionary apps, so many things that help an expat without a community feel like she can actually belong somewhere: connected to the old home, adjusting to the new home.

I'm sure current smart phoners are saying, "Duh. We know all this," but I just wanted to make sure we were all aware of the wonders of technology.

Warning to iPhoners: If you bought your iPhone from one of the service providers at home (like AT&T), you won't be able to use your phone outside of the US without jail breaking it. I guess the good news is that there is no shortage of people in the Kingdom who have no moral issue with doing just that for you. But if you don't want to jail break (and possibly permanently break) your expensive iPhone, consider trading your current one in for the more expensive, unlocked, bought-it-from-an-independent-shop-or-possibly-from-an-online-dealer iPhone. It'll be worth your investment because you'll be able to put a SIM card into it where ever you go in the world.

#6. Don't be a wet blanket. We're all homesick. We're all jarred by the sudden lack of Western conveniences. We all hate the driving. There is no point in belaboring the fact that Saudi Arabia is not the USA. So stop talking about it. Yes. All expats have that initial catharsis of "Dang, it's really hard to live here" when they first meet. But you should just briefly acknowledge the misery and move on. Talk about what you do for a living (without bitching about how not-like-your-old-job-at-home it is). Discuss travel plans or dreams. Ask for tips on the best shawarma place. Even if the other people around you are stuck in the funk, you'll find that most people are attracted to a ray of sunshine, and that ray should be you. Shine, my friend. Shine.

#5. Be prepared to not find your ideal social group. Let's face it. You can't be picky. And expats are a weird bunch of people. Especially if they're weird enough to not live on a compound. You'll find that most of the expats you meet at the typical gatherings that are off-compound are the other weirdos like you who didn't get recruited by one of the big oil or military consultant companies. You got suckered into coming to Saudi Arabia for the "cultural experience" and now you don't have any friends, Saudi or otherwise.

Sure, perhaps at home you wouldn't be particularly interested in befriending a guy who only talks about his RC model planes, but here you are. Maybe video games from the 1970s aren't exactly your bag, but there's not much else on the conversational table, so dig in. You'll be surprised how quickly you discover that you actually do have something in common with these weirdos and they are quite tolerable if not enjoyable. Being a non-compound expat expands your horizons in several ways, so relish the fact that you're meeting all these new people and get over yourself.

#4. Find a Guy. No, I don't mean you need to start dating (most of our single friends will tell you that is EXTREMELY hard for non-compounders). I mean you need to adopt the Arab habit of having a guy for everything. You need to find a social-scene Guy. And fast. A lot of the parties or gatherings I have mentioned are invitation-only. You can't get an invitation unless you know the host or someone who knows the host. Saudi Arabia isn't like college where you can wander around campus and follow the sound of a party and let yourself in. In fact, party crashing is a big no-no here. You need to know a Guy. This is one of the most difficult parts of getting connected to the non-compound expat social scene in Saudi Arabia. But if you have followed our advice in this list, the Guy will find you. Be prepared for this to take a few weeks or even a month or two (longer if you're a wet blanket), but be patient. Enjoy your books, movies and iTunes downloads in the meantime.

#3. Have parties, or gatherings of some sort. Start with your new colleagues, especially the other international recruits. Chances are someone in your office has started his or her own quest for a Guy and will invite their new weirdo expat friends to your invitation-only gathering. Welcome people into your home, cook for them, entertain them, and they'll usually return the favor. This is something the Mister and I should have done a lot more of here. We learned this lesson too late. I've tried to have more gatherings this year, but I missed my chance. Trust me, there is nothing more lonely or disheartening than to get yourself all excited and motivated to jump start your social life with a rousing game night, only to find that everyone else has found more interesting things to do and it's just you and the snacks. ...and your husband. So have parties. And have them early in your Saudi Arabian career.

#2. Develop a hobby. Ultimate frisbee needs to become your new sport of choice. Taking afternoon jogs through the desert should suddenly have a new appeal to you, trust me. You are Saudi Arabia's newest animal activist. All of these new hobbies have groups full of people that like to organize events in Saudi Arabia, and you need to become a part of them. Even if you have the world's worst hand-eye coordination, can't run to save your life, and are slightly allergic to cats, you need to get out there and pick up a hobby of some sort anyway. Again, finding a Guy (#4) and trying things you wouldn't otherwise try at home (#7) will help you to discover these new interests so don't be shy (#1).

If you're more of a loner, pick up an at-home hobby. I've been scrapbooking and it's helped to keep me from going crazy on those failed-game-night nights.

#1. Become extroverted. This is, by far, the most important rule of living off a compound in Saudi Arabia. You're not really the type to just strike up a conversation with strangers, you say? Get over it. Or get used to having yourself as your only company. I recommend you have a series of unique, non-invasive, conversation-starting questions. Full disclosure: the Mister and I have only just discovered this trick (ok, maybe only I have discovered this trick and I'm still a little timid about trying it out), but each time we've tried it, we've had success.

The more you stray from the "So where are you from" question that starts every expat conversation in this country, the more interesting you are. That means people will be more likely to want to hang out with you again. That means you'll find your Guy sooner. That means you'll get introduced to your new hobby sooner.

Hopefully this post will help some overwhelmed new recruit. If it does, give us a shout out in the comments. Otherwise, I hope it was slightly entertaining, even for those of you who have no desire to leave the comforts of the States.

Vicariously yours,