Driving in Saudi Arabia: How do I put it into words?

A few days ago, with our return trips to home just on the horizon, my friend Sandra asked me what I thought was the aspect of living in Saudi Arabia that will be hardest to describe to friends and family back home. I lamely said, "The driving." There are definitely many other things that will be more difficult to accurately portray, but I still think the crazy driving in Saudi Arabia will be one of those things to which people will reply, "Oh. Yeah, well if you think they drive badly, you haven't driven in [insert city name here]!!"

No, it's not like the driving of ANY city in the USA. I'd take a morning commute with the notoriously bad drivers of Atlanta, Boston, New York, LA, or any other city over the driving in Saudi Arabia. But I wasn't sure how to describe just how bad the driving is without it sounding not as bad. "They cut you off, slam on the breaks, honk their horns, and drive too fast" are the kinds of complaints you hear everywhere. But it's just so much worse here!

See how descriptive I can't be?!

So finally, I got the chance to get some hard evidence. I rode with Sandra, Mona, and Mohammed, a hired driver, to a nearby souq. On the way, we had an experience that would only happen in Saudi Arabia.

Here's the set up: The highway leading to the city where this market is located is going through a bit of a facelift. So the old highway that is still in use is on the left, and the workers are paving the new road to the right. Typical sights: asphalt trucks, steamrollers, workers with shovels, etc. The road was so fresh there weren't even lines painted yet.

So we're truckin' along and suddenly everything slows down and we can see that the highway has become a parking lot just about 50 meters ahead. "Too much problems," Mohammed said as he downshifted gears. We saw people turning off the highway to the right to turn around...but where were they going? The only thing to the right was the new highway.

Yep. They were turning onto the new highway and going in the opposite direction. But keep in mind, the new highway isn't finished in either direction so it all just leads to a sandy strip of desert. There were no exits like you find in the States. Our only legal option was to continue in the direction of the traffic jam and get stuck for who knows how long.

Mohammed wasn't having it. He turned to the right, drove through a strip of sand, and joined the flocks of ballsy drivers making sandy tracks through the fresh asphalt.

Eventually the new pavement ended and we all had to detour back through the sand and onto the old highway.

Some of us had better luck with this venture than others. It seems that driving into deep sand, like driving into standing water, can lead to your car getting stuck.

Perhaps you've put two and two together and figured out what was the biggest reason for not turning around and driving on the new road: THE DETOUR AT THE END OF THE PAVEMENT PUTS US GOING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION OF TRAFFIC!! But no worries, this is Saudi Arabia. You can go at high speeds in the opposite direction of traffic, as long as you drive on the shoulder (which is often used as a lane of traffic) and have your hazard lights on.

This is precisely what Mohammed did for a few hundred meters until we came to the fork in the highway that allowed us to cut across traffic and make a 45-degree turn onto the exit that took us to another part of the city we were trying to get to.

This whole situation would never have happened in the States, and if it had I would have been ridiculously terrified and probably spewing obscenities at the driver until we returned to driving with the flow of traffic (well, legal traffic. As you can see in the photo above, we weren't the only people using this drive-on-the-shoulder-in-the-wrong-direction tactic). But I'm not in the States. I'm in Saudi Arabia, so Sandra, Mona and I just laughed through the whole experience.

Vicariously yours,

"You call it 'Independence Day'? Why?"

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you," my supervisor cheerfully sang as she entered the room for the workshop I was leading today. I was handing out materials for the day's session and the ladies I was standing next to said, "It's your birthday!?"

"No, it's not my birthday today," I laughed.

"Then who is she singing to?"

"It's July 4th! It's America's birthday," I said with a little bounce and a smile.

"Oh," they replied, totally unexcited.

It should come as no surprise that the United States and its foreign policy is not very popular here. I've found that most of my colleagues have a perception of life in the States and there is not a whole heck of a lot I can do to refute their flawed logic. Even my students who have traveled to the States feel they are better versed at the ways of the West than I am.

"Americans think we're terrorists, teacher."

"No they don't."

"YES THEY DO! You don't understand!"

So I made an effort not to be the obnoxious American today. I haven't sung "God Bless America" or "The Star Spangled Banner" yet. I didn't wear any articles of clothing resembling the Stars and Stripes in pattern or color scheme (I did wear an old Tennessee State University t-shirt. Gotta rep my home turf somehow!) I didn't make a big deal about the fact that I've NEVER had to work or go to school on July 4, even when I was a waitress in high school and college. I didn't lament the fact that there will be no fireworks, no cookouts, no sparklers for me today. I haven't eaten a single hot dog or corn on the cob.

What I did do today was lead a workshop on pacing guides and how to use them. Then I went to a curriculum planning meeting for the social studies class I have been handed for next year. I came home after work and took a nap. Now I'm about to watch old "How I Met Your Mother" episodes online with my husband and try to scrounge up a decent dinner from the paltry pantry we've got.*

Most uneventful July 4 ever. It's very bizarre.

Save some fireworks for us.

Vicariously yours,

*summer vacation is on the near horizon. We're trying to avoid grocery shopping in an effort to use what we've got and minimize food waste. Translation: we're eating a lot of beans, pasta, and frozen shrimp.

Featured Photo: Chicken n'...hamburger bun?

We needed a fried chicken fix today, so we went to the ChicKing in our local grocery store. I've found that in Saudi Arabia, instead of a biscuit with your fried chicken, you get a hamburger bun. The first time this happened, I thought I'd just come to the KFC on a bad day and they were making do with what they had. But no, I think it's standard practice to get a straight up plain hamburger bun with your drumsticks.

Very odd. I wonder if anyone actually eat the bun.

Vicariously yours,

Sheesh! What's the difference?!

Since arriving in Saudi, I've learned a lot about the cuisine of the Arabian peninsula. I feel the need to clarify the names of a few dishes because those of us in the West have kind of generalized terms, and if you ordered from a menu based on what we call it in the States, you'll get a surprise when your meal arrives.

First confusion: Kebabs are just food on a skewer. With summer now in full swing at home, people are probably using this term a lot with regards to backyard cookout menus. "Come over, we're grilling up some kebabs!" On an American grill, kebabs would probably look like this:

But that is not the case in the Middle East. It's true, kebabs are on a skewer. But instead of taking fresh vegetables and marinated chunks of meat and impaling them, Saudis process the meat, marinate it with spices of all kinds and form it into a meat log...THEN they skewer it up and grill it.

Real kebabs look like this:

Yeah. They kind of look like poop. But that does not make Saudi kebabs any less savory! I don't know what they put in the spice mix, but the kebabs here are soo delicious!

What grillmasters in the States call kebabs are actually called "shish tawook" in Saudi Arabia (alternate spellings include sheesh taouk, sheish tawuk, and shesh tahwuq. It's phonetic, so sound it out however you like). The shish tawook are skewered up and then marinated in a delightfully yummy sauce of yogurt and spices, which probably causes the calorie count to sky rocket but I don't care because I LOVE IT.

Second confusion: Gyros are shawarma. I guess this is really a matter of semantics. From what I understand, "gyro" is a Greek term, but the ingredients are similar. However, in order for a dish to be called "shawarma," the meat has to come from this:

The log-o-meat. This meat is carved from the rotating bulk of flesh and spices and then either served on a plate with rice and hummus (which is called a shawarma dish here), or turned in to a wrap (which is just called shawarma or shawarma sandwich). Shawarma does not come in a pita, like a gyro. But gyros have the same kind of meat.

I'm not trying to be a food snob, just trying to clarify for anybody who might travel to this region in the future or befriend an Arab that's fresh off the boat. This was one of those things that the Mister and I thought we knew before coming here. That was not the case, and I'm sharing that experience with you.

Vicariously yours,

Summer Reading

As we find ourselves rounding into the homestretch, the Mister and I are turning our focus to summer entertainment. That means I've been spending a lot of time on the internet, specifically doing some online shopping. I've not enjoyed this indulgence much this year because it takes forever for things to be shipped to Saudi Arabia. Now I can shop with reckless abandon and have everything shipped to my parents' house (or the Mister's parents' house).

I've gone a little crazy with the purchasing. The floodgates have opened and 10 months worth of shopping is making its way to Middle Tennessee. The other day, my mom commented that it's going to be like Christmas when we get back home because there are so many packages waiting for us at my childhood home. The package I'm most looking forward to opening: the Amazon.com order!

Here's what's on my summer reading list [spoiler alert: it's all young adult lit]:

1. Beauty Queens by Libba Bray. Since placing this purchase, I've read several positive reviews, but just reading the description of the book on Amazon was enough to convince me to put this puppy in my shopping cart. A plane full of teenage beauty pageant contestants crashes on a "deserted" island that turns out to be the secret weapons storage facility for a covert arms dealer. Some of the girls want to try to find help, others want to practice for the swimsuit competition. The book makes commentary on the social priorities of teens. As the Amazon description says, "it's a journey into the heart of un-exfoliated darkness...only funnier. With evening gowns. And a body count."

I CAN'T WAIT!

2. Fat Vampire:A Never Coming of Age Story by Adam Rex. This is the anti-Twilight. Doug, the main character, is a nerdy, zit-riddled 15 year old when he gets turned in to a vampire. Now he's stuck as a nerdy, zit riddled 15 year old for all eternity. I've read/seen positive, negative and meh reviews on this book, so the Mister and I are going to have to decide for ourselves whether it's a hit. We've both read Rex's other book, The True Meaning of Smekday and we LOVED it, so I have the feeling Fat Vampire won't disappoint either.

3. I Am a Genius of Unspeakable Evil and I Want to Be Your Class President by Josh Lieb. This book was recommended to me while ago by the librarian at my school in the States, and I'm only just now getting around to purchasing it. Oliver is a millionaire genius teenager who puts up a dumb facade at school because he's too smart to bother with trying to fit in at his middle school. Even though Oliver's wealth affords him all the worldly pleasures he could possibly want, he doesn't have one thing: the love of his father. He decides becoming class president will win his dad's affection. Only problem is, you can't get many votes when you've painted yourself as the class idiot for years. This book, according to several reviews, is a hilarious trip back to seventh grade. The author was the executive producer of The Daily Show from 2008-2010, so I can only imagine the sense of humor he has brought to his writing.

4. Living Dead Girl by Elizabeth Scott. After a heapin' helpin' of comedy, I'll settle in to this book. Most of the reviews of this book that I've read have described it as "painful to read." But all the reviews have raved about the book. This is the story of a girl who is abducted from a school field trip when she is 10 and is held captive by her pedophile kidnapper and sexually assaulted. She is now 15 and getting too old for her captor. She is faced with the task of helping him find her replacement. This is the story of the missing children we hear about on the news. This book, from what I've gathered, is disturbing but enthralling. I know this is a really dark topic for young adults to read about, but I think it's important for kids to read books like this, live vicariously, and learn.

5. Geektastic: Stories from the Nerd Herd by Holly Black and Cecil Castellucci (editors). This is another book my former librarian told me about. I've been wanting to add it to my professional library for a while. It is a collection of short stories by YAL authors like John Green, Libba Bray, David Levithan and Scott Westerfeld. As the title implies, the stories are geared for the proudly nerdy crowd. With titles like "Once You're a Jedi, You're a Jedi All the Way" and "Top Five Words and Phrases You Need to Know in Klingon," you can imagine how much fun this book is going to be. I'm hoping to use some of these stories as resources in my class next year and I'm looking forward to enjoying these stories while waiting for some domestic flights this summer.

I know this isn't a typical post for this blog, but I thought I'd share what I'm excited about in our near future. I'm excited to bring these books and more back to the Kingdom in September and share them with my students who are DYING for a good book (whether they know it or not). That's why I'll never own a Kindle: you can't lend your library out to your students and share your love of reading with them!

Vicariously yours,

A fantastic Saudi beach day!!

I just returned from a fantastic day at the beach with wonderful friends. The woman who owns the school where I work opened up her beach house to the ladies of the girls school and we got to just lounge about for an afternoon today. A dust storm rolled in to town around 11 this morning, but our spirits were not deterred. It was hot (114F, 46C) and dusty, but we still managed to have a great time. There are a lot of trees around the property of the beach house, so we weren't pelted with sand or anything, and you really get used to the heat after a while.

Today's beach trip was especially well timed because today is Asrar's birthday. Asrar is the cluster secretary that I talked about so much on here. She is by far my favorite part of living in Saudi Arabia and I hope to cherish our friendship for a long time. In honor of her birthday, we had a cookout and spent the afternoon dancing and playing games. Here are some photographic highlights.

We had a little friend join us at our cookout. She was pitiful, and her begging efforts were rewarded with charred shish tawook (what we call kebabs in the States).

See? This is the shish tawook. Yummy!

After lunch, Asrar made us tea on charcoal (that's the translation of the Arabic). Seriously some of the best tea I've ever had. You start by putting water and mint leaves in a kettle and placing it directly on the coals after you're finished grilling up lunch.

After the leaves start to boil, you put the tea bags in there and let that boil for 15 or 20 minutes. Serve with a little bit of sugar and tah-dah! It was very tasty.

We went inside after lunch and played karim. The white stuff is baby powder. The powder kind of smooths out the board. The checker game piece looking things are what you try to hit into the pockets in the four corners using the big green pog slammer looking thing. As you can see, you flick it to the game pieces and try to knock them around.

These pieces were impossible to get into the pocket! They eluded all of us for like 3 rounds! Once you get one of the pieces into the pocket, you take it and it counts as your points (kind of like checkers).

If you flick the green...thing into one of the pockets, you have to forfeit one of your game pieces. I was the only one of us that knocked the green piece into the pocket...I learned the whole give-up-a-piece rule AFTER this picture was taken.

This is how I felt about the news that I had to give up the only piece I'd gotten in the whole game!

Eventually I redeemed myself and got a LOT of pieces!

I had a truly wonderful time with Asrar, Mona (one of the English teachers), and Sandra. There were other teachers there today, but most of them were Elementary teachers who I had never met before, and they all spoke Arabic. We found a common language, however: Dance!

Asrar had emailed me some Arabic songs and I put them on my iPod. She and the other Arabic teachers showed the non-khaleeji* teachers how to dance. I did such a good job that a few of the teachers thought I was Syrian or Lebanese or khaleeji. They said I move like a khaleeji woman. I took that as a compliment.

Speaking of compliments: the mother of one of the Arabic teachers wanted me as a wife for her son. I guess it was a bit of a let down when Asrar told her that I was already married. She told Asrar to be on the look out for more girls like me so she could direct them her son's way.

Awkward.

After all was said and done, I had an incredibly memorable time with friends today. A great way to start winding down our first year here in Saudi.

Vicariously yours,

*Khaleeji is a word that describes people from the Arabian Gulf region. Essentially, people from the GCC countries.

Spoiler alert: This post is about toilet water

This post is dedicated to my hilarious friend Kimmie. Read her blog and become addicted.

With this blog, the Mister and I try to reveal what life is like in Saudi Arabia, but you won't find political observations and religious epiphanies here. There are plenty of other places to find such commentary. No, we want to tell you what really makes Saudi different, from an expat's perspective.

Thus, I feel it is my mission, nay my obligation to share this little nugget of information with you: The toilet water has gotten ridiculously hot. Seriously. It's out of control.

I've mentioned before (here and here) that the "cold" water tank is located outside, which means there is no such thing as cold water in a Saudi summer. I never thought this would also translate to our toilet water.

Don't get freaked out, I'm not drinking the toilet water or taking temperature data for some sort of disgusting research--the boredom hasn't gotten that bad yet. The reason I know the toilet water has reached the desired temperature of a hot bath is because when you lift the lid in the morning, it's like opening a sauna. Your face is washed with a cloud of steam, and the seat is covered in beads of lukewarm toilet sweat. It's vile.

"But Amber, why don't you just leave the lid up all the time?"

You're so smart! We also thought of that possible solution, and it does take care of the toilet-seat-turned-slip-and-slide issue. However, being a girl, I still get the pleasure of a butt steam bath every time I sit down to take care of business...and that's every time I take care of business. Plus, if we leave the lid up all the time, our bathroom becomes a steam room of toilet nastiness. We don't have an air conditioner in the bathroom, just a little window, and opening that means we'll be adding dust into the mix. Butt mud bath, anyone? Sick.

At first I thought this was just a quirk of our house. We do, after all, have walls that randomly fall off and plugs of various voltages throughout. But then I went to the restroom while visiting someone on a compound across town and had the same humid experience there!

I know this post is a little crass. It's certainly not revealing the lovely side of life. And I know those of you who don't know me personally must think I'm some bathroom obsessed weirdo American in Saudi Arabia--this is my second post on my lavatory lamentations in as many months. But give me a little credit, people! Next to eating, going to the bathroom is the only thing that is done consistently in EVERY PART OF THE WORLD! It's my duty (pun TOTALLY intended) to report to everyone out there what we're really experiencing, in all facets of life!

Vicariously yours,