Baby It's Cold Outsi---wait... (alternate title: It's Beginning to Look a lot like Muharram)

Not a current photo of Saudi Arabia.

I apologize for our week-long vow of silence. It was completely unintentional. You'd think after having almost 3 weeks off from work the Hubbins and I would be well rested and totally ready for our first week back to work. H'oh boy was that not the case! One night I went to bed at 6:45 p.m....and STAYED asleep! Ridiculous.

But hopefully we've found our stride and are back to our normal selves. At least I certainly hope that's the case because we are in it for the loooong haul! NINE more weeks before we get another break--no long weekends, no half days, no inservice days. All school all the time.

Yes, I said 9 weeks. Yes, I realize Christmas falls somewhere in there. No we don't get time off for Christmas.

The fact that I'm having to mentally gear up for weeks of school when I'm typically gearing down, combined with the fact that there is absolutely NO Christmas spirit in this country, leads to me sometimes forgetting that we're in the Advent season.

I'm not surrounded by Christmas carols in the stores and on the radio. There are no stockings, no Black Fridays, no stores hawking their cheap ornaments or buy-one-get-a-worthless-singing-snowman deals. Instead, I'm surrounded by the sounds of the call to prayer, lesson plans, English cluster meetings, and more lesson plans.

I don't mind it so much right now. Christmas isn't about the presents, the concerts, or the movies. I think that feeling will change when more and more people start posting Christmas party pictures on Facebook and my favorite movies like Elf and White Christmas never make an appearance on TV. But what this lack of Christmas has shown me more than anything else is that I don't really celebrate the Advent the way I'm supposed to, and I'm not entirely sure how to start!

I know that every Sunday during the Advent, we light a candle and the preacher says a little something about what the season means. When I was a kid, we always hung the Advent calendar in the living room (not far from the stockings) and put an ornament up everyday until Christmas Day. There are always wonderful parties at ornamented houses with hot apple cider and lots of carol singing. And I've always loved every minute of it. I will cherish those opportunities more after the Mister and I live outside of the Kingdom.

But what REALLY is the Advent, and how can a girl in the middle of the Islamic desert celebrate it without all the other Christians around to help?!

I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm really excited to find out and to genuinely celebrate Christmas in the most basic way. I won't have all the distractions. I'll just have my Bible, my husband, and God.

Vicariously yours,

I'm awkward in Saudi Arabia

I think everyone would describe me as being moderately eloquent and able to know when to shut up.

...I'm waiting for my friends and family who know me best to stop laughing before I go on...

Truth is that I'm an unfortunately awkward person with very bad timing and the inability to know when to stop talking. I do have the occasional moment of clarity when I find something similar to the right thing to say, and I sometimes can know when to keep my mouth shut and save myself from embarrassment.

The sad thing is, I think that shut-up switch was broken on the flight over here back in September. Ever since we have left the country, my awkward-o-meter has been off the charts!

Exhibit A: One day during our long Eid break, the Mister and I came home and bumped in to our neighbor outside in the courtyard. She was getting her laundry from the dryer (we share a dryer, so it's outside), and she usually has a big smile on her face at all times. This time she scurried away, didn't smile, and just kind of mumbled a hello. Her husband was also there and he said, "You'll have to excuse her, she has something on her face." I asked what he meant and he said she had a beauty mask on her face. "She uses it every now and then to make her more beautiful."

It must have been clear, because I hadn't notice anything unusual about her face in the few seconds we saw her.

That's what SHOULD have come out of my mouth. What I actually said was, "Oh. I hadn't noticed." This short clause made it sound like I hadn't notice that she was more beautiful, and while I think her husband picked up on what I really meant, he kind of chuckled.

"....I mean that I didn't notice she had the stuff on her face, not that I didn't notice that she's beautiful. Because of course she's beautiful; she doesn't need to use anything on her face!" the awkward rambling just wouldn't stop, even as the hubs was giving me the are-you-seriously-still-talking face. After a bit I finally just sighed, "I'm gonna stop now..." and I unlocked our door and went inside.

Exhibit B: Thanksgiving. Dinner with the Billionaires. We've retired to the tea and dessert portion of our program, and everyone's sharing stories of their world travels. The current topic of conversation is Turkey (the country, not the meal we are digesting). Someone mentions that Turkey has more Greek history than Greece does and the ancient city of Troy is brought up.

"Yeah, but all Troy has is some walls and a horse you can take a picture with," someone mentions.

"You mean like a Trojan horse?" I ask. This is question is awkward/stupid enough, but I think he overlooks it because he did just say that it was a horse...ok, yeah, it was just a stupid question. But like I said, the switch is broken!

"Yeah, it's this big wooden horse for the tourists to climb into and take silly photos," my guest humors me.

"Like a replica?"

DID THAT REALLY JUST COME OUT OF MY MOUTH!? Of course it's a replica! What, were the Trojans going to piece together the charred remains of the downfall of their city and preserve it for tourists to enjoy centuries later?!

While most people would have said, "Gosh, that was a stupid question," I of course feel the need to save face because we are dining with billionaires, and this particular variety happen to be my boss and her husband who pays my salary. I can't let them think they've hired a total dud.

"I mean, of course it's a replica, but it's a big wooden horse just like the real thing was? ...That's pretty much what a replica is, isn't it? Oh, you know what I meant!" It all comes out of my mouth so fast, I'm sure it's wasn't even discernible as English words.

So. Awkward.

And these are just the two examples I'm willing to share with the world! I don't know what it is, but I'm hoping I can rediscover my somewhat with-it self when we visit the States this summer. Awkward Amber has got to go!

Vicariously yours,

Happy Thanksgiving from Saudi Arabia!

Welp, Thanksgiving has come and gone in Saudi Arabia, and I must say it was one for the books. I haven't had the pleasure of hosting a Thanksgiving in my own home until now, and I really wanted things to go well. The hubsy and I invited all of the housemates, an American family from down the street, and our new boss and her husband. (Her husband is a Sheikh [read: Billionaire], and is also the man who is sponsoring us in the country, so...there was that.)

We used Alton Brown's Good Eats roasted turkey recipe for our Tom this year, and oh my LORD was it sooo good! We've found a new favorite recipe. We brined the turkey overnight and slathered it in oil before we put it in the oven.

After 30 minutes, we turned the oven down to prime roasting temperature and it was already looking like something from a movie dinner table.

We searched high and low for a roasting pan and one could not be found.

It was even more yummy looking after all the roasting was finished and boy oh boy was it soo juicy and wonderful! As another Food Network host would say, "Yum-o!"

This just doesn't do justice to how beautiful our bird was!

It was funny because before we put the bird in to brine, the Mister and I looked for the neck and the giblets so we could take them out and put them in the fridge. All we could find was the neck. I thought that was a little weird, but we did buy the turkey in Saudi Arabia, so perhaps they didn't know to include the giblets? Anyway, we went about our business. Wouldn't you know, as soon as we started carving, the giblets dropped out, perfectly roasted in their little bag. Oops!

Don't worry, I didn't use them for gravy.

The table was set. We had sweet potatoes with bananas and honey, green bean casserole, deviled eggs, my Granny's sunshine casserole, mashed potatoes, dressing, pumpkin kibbeh, cooked carrots, and yummy yummy rolls.

Oh, and we had two turkeys. The hubs and I made one, and our neighbor and his Thai wife made one. It was so funny, when we all sat down, our neighbor invited the Sheikh to carve the turkey. Being a Saudi, he of course had no idea how to begin carving a turkey, so our neighbor took over. After a couple of ungraceful cuts, his Thai wife said, "Move over, I'll do it," and took the reins!

She did a mighty fine job of carving, too!

The hubsy played nicely with his friends while the grown-ups ate.

And after dinner, we retired to the apartment next door and had dessert and tea. The Mister kept playing outside with the kids and captured these hilarious moments (they're dark and grainy but still pretty funny):

All in all, I think everyone had a great time and lots of food was eaten. That's the whole point of Thanksgiving, right? Hope the holiday was just as fun for everyone else in the good ol' USA!

Vicariously yours,

They're getting to me

I'm slowly starting to realize that some of the things that drive me crazy about the way Saudi children behave probably can be explained and I somewhat sympathize.

For example, the kids here will actually ride scooters, roller skates/roller blades, and various other wheeled contraptions through crowded public places that a Westerner like me would not expect to see them. They are blowing past me in the malls and through the grocery store (less so the scooters in grocery stores, but boy oh boy do they ever love those Heelys!).

ugh. It just makes me want to throw a stick in his path Big Daddy style.

At first I was blown away at the fact that these parents weren't driven as bonkers by this behavior as I was! I was in a mall, for heaven's sake! A mall is for shopping, walking, and not for being mowed over by drag racing 9 year olds on roller blades! What possesses these parents to let their kids treat this confined public space as if it is their personal back yard or an open park?

Safety gear?! Pah! The Saudis laugh at helmets.

Today as the Hubbins and I were walking through a mall to get lunch, I saw a little girl in the center atrium playing with a frisbee. I can only hope that her parents were nearby keeping watch (but, if I'm honest with myself, they probably weren't), but she was just going to town with this frisbee! She would throw it up in the air and chase after it as it floated over the center fountain and across the open space. She had a total look of euphoria on her face and it was just like a scene anyone would see in a grassy suburban park back home.

Then it hit me. This probably was her park. It's not like there are a lot of grassy hills in Saudi Arabia. Most of the year it's so hot outside, your face melts as soon as you step out the door. Malls are where people gather here. It's a safe place for women to walk around without their guardian. And because it's so crowded with other Saudis in the same lack-of-entertainment situation they are, these moms don't really worry much if their kids run around in and out of sight through the throngs of people. Everyone kinda watches out for each other and they are used to dodging the tots.

It still drives me totally bonkers, but now I kind of feel sad for these little tykes. They won't have the kind of childhood memories that I had. They probably don't know what it's like to run down a hill barefoot with the feeling the soft grass beneath your feet. They don't know what it's like to have to stop your kickball game because of a pop-up spring shower. They don't know what the instructions "Stay within earshot" mean. They are growing up in the middle of a flat, brown, sandy desert. To them, the mall is their playground, and I guess I can give them a little leeway as they zoom past me in the food court.

Vicariously yours,

Stuff Arabs Love #3: Corn

Yes, you read the title correctly. Arabs love corn. Specifically as a snack item, not necessarily as a dinner side dish. Those starchy, sweet kernels of goodness seem to get the Arabs' hearts a'flutterin' and they will line up in droves to get a cup of its crunchy, buttery nourishment.

It remains a mystery as to why corn, of all things, is so popular with our Middle Eastern counterparts. Perhaps because corn is not indigenous to the Middle East it's considered an exotic delicacy? Perhaps it is the vegetable's versatility. Regardless of why it's popular, in any mall in the Middle East you can find a corn stand offering maize drenched in all kinds of flavored butters to titillate your taste buds.

To be clear: I'm not talking about the popped variety of corn. It wouldn't be all that surprising if the Arabs loved popcorn (they do, but as far as I can tell only the sugary caramel kind), cause that stuff is delicious and relatively healthy. And they don't like it on the cob, either. No, no. Our neighbors in the East like the cooked kernels just the way they would emerge from the Jolly Green Giant's metallic confines.

Just heat 'em up, slap some butter on, and go to town!

This was definitely one of those things that struck the hubs and I as very strange in our first few days in the Kingdom. Seriously, the people in the mall got so excited when the corn stand guy returned to his post after the allotted prayer time had passed, "Hurry up! Hurry up! I need some CORN!"

Of course it's an Asian migrant worker serving up the corn!

So there you have it, one of the more perplexing things that Arabs love. Corn.

Vicariously yours,

It's not all camels and oppression...

A lot of my posts about Saudi Arabia have had a bit of a negative spin, and I want to clarify. I really am not miserable here at all. A lot of the things people think they know about this Kingdom are total misconceptions, and it's been great to prove all of those misunderstandings false.

There are a few things that I really do enjoy about living in Saudi Arabia. For example:

The abaya and hijab. As much as the West likes to disparage the uniform of Saudi women, I really don't mind it much at all. Because I'm covered from head to toe, it doesn't matter what I'm wearing when I leave the house to run errands. I went grocery shopping today in my pajamas. And because it's silly for me to suit up to run out to the street, I get out of taking out the trash. I don't have to worry about how my hair looks, and a lot of the time I don't even worry about putting on make up. Plus, because Western women aren't *really* required to wear the hijab, I score bonus points with my Saudi colleagues for wearing it when I don't have to.

There is no such thing as cold weather. Yes, my students are starting to wear sweatshirts to school in the morning because they get a chill from the 70 degree weather we're having. But it's like heaven for me! The hubs and I have slept with the window open for the past few weeks, and there's no end in sight for that luxury. Even though I miss the bon fires and s'mores of the fall season back home, I do NOT miss the winter jackets and cold bathroom floors. I am definitely going to love winter in Saudi Arabia.

Fresh produce is VERY cheap here. Because there's always a temperate zone just a few hours away, produce is ridiculously cheap. I might not be able to find all of the fruits and vegetables that I'm used to, but I can find some very interesting and exotic fruits for just a few cents per pound. I bought a bunch of bananas for about a dollar a pound! Apples are about 50 cents a pound. There are bundles of carrots, peppers, cucumbers and other fruits for crazy low prices! I'm really really hoping that this fact will up the amount of healthy foods I add to my diet. I'll keep you posted on how that research goes.

I'm treated with slightly more respect here. I've been happily surprised by this, because it is one of the most popular misconceptions of the Kingdom. Before leaving home, I was told countless times that I would have to walk 10 paces behind my husband and he would have to do all the talking. That has just not been the case. When the Mister and I were in Dubai, I was expecting to feel just like I was at home. But whenever we went to a store or restaurant or anywhere that I would need to speak to a man, I was treated like I wasn't even there. Some men even refused to look at me at all. I would ask a question, and he would turn to my husband and say, "Yes sir, how can I help you?" I have not had that experience at all in Saudi Arabia. There have been a few times that I've seen the Muslim man have an internal conflict as to whether it is ok for him to speak to another man's wife. But I guess because we get to play the Western card, he generally gets over that and treats me like a grown adult.

One word: Shawarma. Unfortunately, this is probably going to be the biggest factor that prevents me from incorporating more fresh produce into my daily diet. Shawarma is what we would call gyros back at home. You've seen the giant slab of seasoned meat rotating by a glorified warming lamp, and then shaved from its rotisserie to be wrapped up in a warm pita with various accouterments. But boy oh boy you have never had such wonderful shawarma in your entire life as the shawarma you find in Saudi Arabia. Words cannot describe the yummy goodness and I'm not even upset that we had to come half way across the world to find it. Too bad I can't share with all you suckas!

Electronics are plentiful, and ridiculously cheap to get repaired. About a month ago, I killed our brand new laptop by spilling water on it as I was using it as a recipe card for the dinner I was making (I also spilled the water down my arm, as is chronicled in this blog post). We've been dragging our feet with getting it fixed because we were sure it was going to cost a load of money and take forever to get repaired. Well, we took advantage of the time off from school and took the computer down to a repair place...ONE HOUR and $93 later, our computer is working just as good as new! There is no way that repair would have been so fast and so cheap at home! It costs more to get the Best Buy protection plan, and insurance would require a deductible of a lot more than $93 for sure!

The milk is a-mazingly good. I don't know what it is, but the milk here is so flavorful and good! I commented the other night to the Mister that if milk tasted like this when I was growing up, I would have bones that would rival Superman's!

So there it is, dear readers. This is just a short list of some of the things I enjoy most about living in Saudi Arabia. While some of them might not be so mind blowingly awesome to those of you back in the States, but it's the little things that make Kingdom life so worth it.

Vicariously yours,

Stuff Arabs like #2: Plastic covering on seats

Old people aren't the only ones who enjoy the squeaky goodness of plastic seat covers. The only difference is that Arabs aren't about to go out and buy a custom-made thick plastic liner for their car seats or office chairs. Heck no! Why waste the money when the manufacturer already provides you with a protective shell when you purchase your tushie-holding devices?!

You know what I'm talking about right? The thin plastic sheet that car manufacturers put on the seats of the car while they're in production to protect the seats from...well, I'm not really sure what, but you get the point.

Anyway, when we first arrived, I thought that leaving this plastic on the seats was just something taxi drivers did for obvious hygienic reasons. But then I was given a ride by a colleague of mine, and she still had the plastic in her car! As I look around me during the morning commute I see that so many cars have the plastic peeking out from over their back seats, it would make any hypochondriac weep with envy.

But the polyethylene protective barriers aren't limited to vehicles! No no, my friend. It is not uncommon to find the manufacturer's plastic still on an office chair, even though it's a few years old. Dining room seats are often still wrapped in the same plastic they left the factory in. Anywhere you land your tuchus is likely to be found somewhere in the Arab world in fresh-from-the-factory condition, even years after purchase, thanks to the frugal practices of their owners.

Vicariously yours,