Sunday, July 21, 2019

How the Twins Were Born pt. 1: The midwife

As previously mentioned, the midwife agreed to take me on as a ...patient? Client? What do midwives have? ...anyway, she agreed to deliver my babies, and I was so incredibly relieved! I wanted to have a natural medication-free birth with Sadie, but inducing labor sabotaged that idea. So this was my chance. I was going to have a badass medication free birth and it was going to be freaking TWINS!

The whole pregnancy I had been saying, "They're due May 9, but twins always come early, so they'll probably be born in late April."

Proving Mommy wrong must be a hereditary trait in my children because late April came and went and the babies were staying put. I was HUGE!

This was our family photo after church on Easter, 2.5 weeks before the babies were born. I'm not sticking my belly out for dramatic effect. It was just that big. I got even bigger than this! 

With Sadie I never got unbearably uncomfortable like I'd heard about from tons of women. I wasn't loving every minute, but I could still get up and down from bed and chairs and even the floor comfortably until the day I delivered her. That was NOT the case with the twins! I was so ready to get them out, I was desperate!

I looked into buying castor oil and shipping it in, I took essential oils, I walked miles, I ate pounds of pineapple. Finally, on May 8, I went to the acupuncturist. I was soo uncomfortable and my back was killing me, so I figured that I didn't have anything to lose.

Y'all. I went into labor that night.

Around 7pm I started getting contractions, but I figured they were Braxton-Hicks because I'd been having contractions every night for weeks. I contacted our doula, put friends on alert, and around 10 o'clock we contacted the midwife and headed to her birthing center. I fully expected her to tell me it was a false alarm and send us back home. Boy did the night not go the way I was planning.

We arrived at the midwife's around 11pm, she sat me down to do a quick sonogram, and then asked me to call a friend to translate. She said that the first baby was head down, locked and loaded and ready to go, but baby #2 was breech, and the head was 10cm.

"Ok..." I said. I mean, I wasn't excited about pushing out 10 centimeters, but Sadie's head was 9.5 when she was born, so I knew I was capable.

"So she said you need to leave to go to the hospital," I heard our friend say through the speakerphone.

"She thinks I need to go to the hospital? They are going to make me have a c-section," I said, tears welling up in my eyes. When she heard the word "c-section," the midwife nodded her head and said yes in Korean. Then she looked up and saw my chin quivering and that I was trying to choke back sobs.

"Are you sure?" I said to her, and my friend on the phone didn't even try to translate. She assured me that the hospital would be very safe and that everything would be ok. The baby was turned the wrong way and the midwife was afraid it would get stuck. I knew that the hospital would be safe, I was very aware of what the hospital was like, but I knew in my gut that I could do this! I could push this baby out!

The midwife was supposed to be my empowering feminist partner in this! We are women, hear us roar! I HAVE ENORMOUS HIPS, THIS BABY WON'T GET STUCK!

But the advice from my OB in Australia came to mind: If your practitioner isn't comfortable with the procedure, that's dangerous and could cause more injury than anything else. I thanked our friend for translating, packed away my hopes of ever having the delivery I so badly wanted, and started preparing myself mentally for whatever was about to happen. I sat in the midwife's sonogram room and just sobbed. She was a little freaked out, I think, but I didn't care at that point. She had betrayed me, she needed to see how upset she had made me.

We got back in the car and tucked tail to the very hospital that I had been going to throughout my pregnancy. The one that I was so happy to put behind me a few weeks ago. Now I had to go admit defeat and let them cut me open. I was heartbroken.






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